Child custody can be one of the most contentious issues of a divorce, even (and sometimes especially) when both parents agree that they’re acting in the best interests of the child. But there’s no standard definition of “best,” leaving parents and the courts to blaze new trails as they struggle to determine what’s next. For your reference, here are six considerations to keep in mind: 

1. 50/50 Custody isn’t always best…

“… courts often discourage 50/50 custody schedules, as children may have difficulty with the transitions involved every few days. Young children are especially vulnerable to the stress involved in frequent change. But, even older kids may have difficulty handling the disruptions to their academic, extracurricular and social lives.” (The Challenges of Joint Child Custody with 50/50 Time-Sharing by Collins & Collins, P.C.) 

2. The “Best Interest of the Child” is more than “What the Child Wants”…

“While the child’s interest is foremost, if [an older] child wants to change a custody or visitation arrangement, the rights of the parents, as set out in the custody order, still must be taken into account. If there are problems with the existing arrangements, the court will likely order the parents to mediation to fix them. If the parents and the child can’t come to terms, things will finally be resolved by the court.” (Divorce, Custody and Visitation: When a Child Wants a Change by Lawyers.com) 

3. Sometimes an outsider’s perspective is needed…

“In our experience, child custody is one of the most contentious areas of family law. Sometimes the parties are able to work toward an agreement. And sometimes the level of conflict is so persistent and intense that the parents are unable to make reasoned decisions about their children’s future. To assist parents in arriving at a custody arrangement that serves both their interests and the best interests of the children, the family court often relies on the services of professional facilitators…” (Resolving Child Custody Disputes — The Facilitators: Parenting Coordinators, Mediators, and Evaluators by Scott Stewart) 

4. It’s Important to stay flexible…

“Children’s needs and desires changes as they get older… For instance, when a teenager’s after school sports practice interferes with their weekly dinner visit with the non-custodial parent, discuss adding in some more weekend time with that parent or an activity they can share.” (Top Ten Ways to Make a Child Custody Exchange Go Smoothly by Collins & Collins, P.C.) 

5. What’s “best” might not be an easy decision to make…

“Ultimately, courts want to make sure that a child’s safety is not in jeopardy. When the court finds that a child’s parent or parents are failing to provide a safe environment for the child, the court will take action to protect the child.” (When Is It in a Child’s Best Interest to Terminate Parental Rights? by Timothy Durkin) 

6. In the end, if parents can’t agree the Court makes the decisions…

“Ideally, the parents will be able to come up with an agreement amongst themselves, and this sometimes happens. But unfortunately, this does not happen in many cases. If the parents can’t come to an agreement themselves, that doesn’t change the fact that a decision still has to be made. In cases like that, the intervention of a family law judge is usually necessary.