“So this was what it was about….. her hate for me is so much she will use our son to ensure  my  destruction;  she  wants  me  ruined.  I  realized  the  full  force  that  day  of what it is to be hated by someone you once loved. My child had become a weapon in my destruction”

Unlike  other  species  on  this  planet,  human  offspring  enter  this  world  completely dependent for care - usually on their parents - for a few decades rather than merely a few weeks.

Across  the  planet,  parenting  traditions  and  styles  diverge  with  culture  and community. Furthermore, the ability to parent is at variance but this task is managed rather successfully by most couples.

“Any attempt at alienating the children from the other parent should be seen as a direct  and  wilful  violation  of  one  of  the  prime  duties  of  parenthood,  which  is  to promote and encourage a positive and loving relationship with the other parent, and the concept of shared parental responsibility”

With the exponential increase in divorce particularly in traditional societies like India grappling with modernism and radical change, children are increasingly being failed by parents who display incapability to rear children.

For millions of mothers and fathers on the ‘wrong side of the socio-economic tracks’ in India the limitations of poverty, physical or mental disability leading to subsequent afflictions of poor health, substance abuse, criminality thus affecting their ability or desire  to  parent  their  children,  is  understandable.  Children  in  these  situations develop  a  survival  instinct  with  probable  support  from  extended  family  members, friends, neighbours or even NGO’s.

Of concern is a relatively new and emerging class of parents who fail at appropriately protecting, nurturing, educating and guiding their children. These are mothers and fathers who do not fit the stereotype of the deficient and ill-equipped parent.

These parents are easily mistaken for the ‘ideal parents’ - usually articulate, rather resourceful and competent in all other aspects of their lives. While they profess love and  concern  for  their  children,  what  sets  these  parents  apart  from  other dysfunctional parents is their overwhelming commitment to meeting their own needs first. In doing so, they are consumed with destroying the bond their children enjoy with the other parent – at any cost.

Parental  Alienation  Syndrome  is  produced  by  a  dysfunctional  parent,  but  it  is  a disorder  in  the  child.  If  the  child  can  withstand  the  alienating  parent's  lies  and manipulations, then bad parenting is certainly taking place, but Parental Alienation Syndrome  is  not.  It  becomes  Parental  Alienation  Syndrome  when  the  child capitulates and begins to participate in the campaign against the targeted parent.

Children  subjected  to  Parental  Alienation  are  taught,  daily,  via  denigration  and outright lies, to believe that the other parent is unfair, uncaring and unreliable. After a  while  the  script  has  that  parent  becoming  idiotic  and  stupid,  then  evil  and dangerous. Eventually they are transformed into someone worthy of complete and permanent rejection. A child assimilates the destruction of that once deeply loving relationship  through  self-loathing,  and  rebellion,  isolation  and  crushing  depression follow soon after. This is child abuse.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is a by-product of contested custody cases. Countless number of children are suffering on an ongoing basis while they are in the care of one parent who places more value on getting even with their ex-spouse than they do on the happiness of their child.

Unfortunately, the legal system parents seek remedies from is not as expedient as required.  The  ignorance  and  apparent  insensitivity  of  the  family  courts  towards children’s  emotional  needs  is  combined  with  the  unwillingness  to  look  beyond  the legal  infrastructure  to  examine  why  once  healthy,  happy  and  well-functioning children  that  experience  a  warm  and  positive  relationship  with  both  parents, systematically and without cause reject one parent and deny the love and nurturing that would sustain them.

If  the  family  courts  are  sensitised  with  relevant  information  about  children,  their behaviour and the consequences of people’s actions, then perhaps we could witness a reduction in systemic failures.

What makes the legal system crucial is that the only solution to severe, entrenched alienation is court. Parents that alienate are, if not bona fide pathological, at least convinced in an absolute and paranoid way that they are right. In other words: they won't  stop.  Acquiring  the  legal  standing  to  say  “No”  to  power  plays  and  to  re-establish relationship with one’s child is the only way to bring a ‘turn around’ in the syndrome.

This is where the real damage occurs to a child's developing personality and young mind and heart. The emotionally damaging fallout that occurs when a child is robbed of  his  right  to  be  loved  by  both  his  parents  is  a  cause  for  concern  as  a  future generation of India remains susceptible to deviance, depression and suicide.

Having  already  lost  one  parent  and  faced  with  losing  the  other,  PAS  children  live every  day  in  fear.  Creating  an  awareness  of  the  drivers  and  effects  of  Parental Alienation  Syndrome  is the  first  step  towards addressing  dysfunctions in  our legal system that permits it to flourish.

Former partners and the justice system should work together to ensure that children maintain strong and positive relationships with both parents.